Comparison can cause us to create a false image of ourselves and those around us. When comparison can be a benefit is when it enables us to become a better version of ourselves, whether through improvement in our skills or behaviour. However, comparison can also bring us down and hinder us from reaching our full potential. Nobody’s life is perfect, no matter what it seems. Comparison is the thief of joy, as it can create a feeling of inadequacy and lowering of ones self worth. On the other hand, it can be used to motivate oneself if you desire, but where we place the focus and intention is important. What we perceive as success and happiness can be vastly different to one another. I do really think that the relationships we have with ourselves, and those around us hold a lot of purpose in our lives. There are so many layers to every person. Nothing perfect is defined by the way things look. The long lasting happiness in life comes down to the way we’re feeling inside.
Social media has caused a heightened frequency of comparison through ones lifestyle and appearances. However, the concept of the perfect body does not exist. We can choose to show people what we perceive as our good side, but underneath the layers of ourselves are parts that others may never see. Comparison causes a false reality through showing the surface of what we desire, but it makes us forget to appreciate who we are and where we are right this moment. Gratitude reminds us how much we have and it reminds us the blessing of our experiences, the small moments that bring us joy and the things that are truly important in our lives. It strips away judgment towards ourselves, it minimises the feeling of lack and it makes us more appreciative and positive. The danger of comparing ourselves to others, is that it makes us forget to acknowledge that everyone goes through their own challenges. The surface doesn’t always reflect what’s within.
Comparison can also cause unrealistic expectations. Ones happiness is not determined by when you have arrived to a certain place. It isn’t a case of “I’ll be happy when…” Contentment and satisfaction in life, is being able to accept and acknowledge where you are, right here, right now, even when things aren’t going well. It builds resilience. Some of the most successful people have failed many times, but through their persistence they have achieved their goals. Learning through ones failures is focusing on how you can grow as an individual. If your attention is constantly focused on others, it would be hard to spend the time working on yourself. How do you measure your self-worth? Our self worth can be reflected in how we treat others, how we treat ourselves and having strong values that guide the life you want to live.
Your confidence ultimately comes from within. How you see yourself can have a massive impact on how you view the world, and how you treat those around you. Also, what are the most important things to you? Why do they matter to you, and how do they add value to your life? The things that temporarily boost your self-esteem won’t add long-term value in your life. It’s interesting how often we can be incredibly encouraging, kind and friendly to others, but incredibly tough and critical towards ourselves. We can hold certain expectations and standards for ourselves that if we don’t achieve, it can feel like a failure. We have to accept ourselves at our best and our worst, because you are the one person who can completely rely on yourself. The constant need for external validation, approval, acceptance and praise from others means that you care too much about what others think of you.
If I see someone that I love going through a hard time, I want to be there to listen, comfort and embrace them. I want them to be okay. However, when I’ve gone through a bad period of time, there have been times where I get incredibly hard on myself. I tell myself I can do better. We really need to be kind and gentle towards ourselves. Perception creates our reality. How you perceive things is the lens which you’ll see things. Most comparisons are surface leveled, which can cause quick judgment, assumption and assessment on a specific situation, person or experience. There are many aspects of comparisons that can come from those two seconds of what we see, but it may often not be the reality. When we accept ourselves, we exude a natural confidence. Comparison can be good or bad depending on whether we allow it to benefit our own positive self growth. We can use comparison to motivate ourselves, but it’s important to not let it lose sight of our true self.
Photography by Sun Jun